


Blackout

by coolattaz



Category: HLVRAI - Fandom, Half Life VR But The AI Is Self-Aware
Genre: Amputation, Beta Read, Blood, Blood and Injury, Death, First Kiss, I Made Myself Cry, M/M, Rated M For Death, Songfic, but Oh Boy this one is a painful one, haha what if i died in your arms and we were both boys, made the beta cry, not tagging gordon until the tag is split
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-13
Updated: 2020-09-13
Packaged: 2021-03-06 20:08:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 645
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26444653
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/coolattaz/pseuds/coolattaz
Summary: Don't kid yourselfAnd don't fool yourselfThis love's too good to lastAnd I'm too old to dream.
Relationships: Tommy Coolatta/Gordon Freeman
Comments: 13
Kudos: 73





	Blackout

**Author's Note:**

> based off of [this](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wBhnaOp34d8) (required listening)

He should have done something.

He could have done something.

Something more than watching, screaming, looking away, being distracted by some shiny fucking toy. Being held back, letting him get dragged away. He was always much too good at focusing on the wrong thing. 

Gordon let out another shuddering cough. The blood in his hair was staining Tommy’s dress pants. He didn’t care. He deserved it. 

It’s not like this moment was particularly different for Tommy. At this point he had seen hundreds of people die, some by his own hands. Just like this death. 

His fault.

He could have done something.

He would have done something...

But he didn’t, and now Gordon, the man he had somehow found himself in love with, was dying in his lap.

Softly, like the touch would shatter him, Tommy stroked his cheek. Moved his hair off his sweaty face. It was the least he could do.

Gordon had stopped coughing now, but his breath was still ragged and fast. His green eyes were turned up, staring at Tommy. He wished he could enjoy it.

“Tom-- Tommy,” He sputtered, reaching his arms up. His left hand hung in the air, shaking, reaching out for something, and the stump of what was once his right arm dripped blood down onto his face.

Tommy interlocked their fingers.

“I don’t wanna die, Tommy.” He was crying now. The tears smeared the blood on his face, running red and wetting Tommy’s hand. He deserved that, too.

“I-- It’ll be okay, Mr. Freeman,” he said, giving a smile as best he could. 

“Tommy?”

“Yes, Mr. Freeman?”

“Can you… call me Gordon? Please?” His voice broke.

“It’ll be okay, G--Gordon.”

He was crying now, too.

Tommy took his hands away to wipe his eyes, but Gordon cried out.

“Please, please no, I don’t want to-- I don’t want to be alone, please,” he begged, tears falling faster.

Quickly, Tommy returned to stroking his face, squeezing Gordon’s left hand tighter as an apology.

“I’m not-- I’m not going anywhere, Gordon. I promise.”

“Tommy?”

“Yes, Gordon?”

“Can you--” He paused to let out another shaky, wheezing breath. “--can you kiss me?”

He leaned over and gently, oh so gently, pressed his lips against Gordon’s. He could feel his breath, warm and slowing, when he pulled away.

In a different world, in a different time, it wouldn’t be like this. He could kiss Gordon, and he would kiss back, and it wouldn’t taste like blood. He could rest his head in Tommy’s lap, and he wouldn’t feel his blood on his legs. They could hold hands, and Gordon wouldn’t tremble weakly. He would hold him back.

“I love you,” Gordon rasped.

In a different world, he could say that, and he wouldn’t be on his deathbed. And Tommy could say it back, a thousand times, and Gordon would say it back, a thousand times. And it would be true.

Oh, who was he kidding?

He didn’t deserve that.

This love was too good to last.

“Tommy…?”

“Y-- Yes, Gordon?”

“Can you... say it back?” 

“I love you, Gordon.”

Gordon was still crying, but he smiled, his lips trembling with the effort. His eyes were half-lidded. If Tommy didn’t know he was dying, he would think he looked almost euphoric.

“Tommy…”

“Yes, Gordon?”

He didn’t respond. His green eyes just kept staring.

“...Gordon?” Tommy whispered.

In another life, they could have escaped Black Mesa. They could have made up with the rest of the team, celebrated Tommy’s birthday, maybe they could have even watched a movie together or met Gordon’s son. Tommy could love him properly. Tommy could take care of him, and he would, and he would, and he would, forever.

Oh, who was he fooling?

He leaned down to kiss him again. He didn’t feel his breath on his lips.

He was too old to dream.

**Author's Note:**

> :)
> 
> now with [fanart](https://gordos-feeman.tumblr.com/post/629792888475320321/i-dont-wanna-die-tommy-he-was-crying-now-the)!!


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